Bottom line this first section, the freaking definitions of Vulnerability on the web sucked. So we are going to have to determine right here, what it is and what it means.
Here is my definition, which by the way I feel vulnerable sharing it.
Vulnerability is being your truest self despite the discomfort and fear it causes
True vulnerability is something we slip in and out of, this feeling that we are exposed to our core. That is not the vulnerability I am talking about, the vulnerability I am talking about the conscious choice we make to be teachable, to be honest, and to look at ourselves. This gives us a unique opportunity to find a place of true growth.
Great example provided by Brene Brown on her Ted Talk “The power of Vunerability”
So I thought, you know what, I’m going to start with connection. Well, you know that situation where you get an evaluation from your boss, and she tells you 37 things that you do really awesome, and one “opportunity for growth?”
And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right? Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well, because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak. When you ask people about belonging, they’ll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded. And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.
It is in our nature to look at the “scary or risky” side of every situation and spontaneously protect ourselves. This includes the lies we tell ourselves, or the lies we choose to believe about ourselves. See the message is simple. Knowing it is simple has not made it any easier for me, but it is simple. As an addict in recovery, either a day or a year. I know more about myself than at any other time of my life. I am no junkie, I am not a bum, a bad father, I am a great employee, a good friend. However I feel vulnerable as an addict. I sometimes want to lie, or omit the fact that I am in recovery. What world does this create for me, well we could talk about that forever, but the truth is, it creates a world that I live in that I cannot be my true self. I cannot change the hard fact that I am an addict, but that sure as hell does not mean any of the things others might think of me are true.
I hope this is making sense, because for me the subject of vulnerability flashes into and out of my life in a flash, in order to maintain it, I have to be in an almost meditative state. The raging inner narcissist (my great emotional bouncer) continuously tries to battle my moments of vulnerability. It tries to bring me to a place of anger, fear, or outward sarcasm or over the top humor. These are all ways I deflect those tough emotional moments & vulnerability.
Okay enough about how it looks, paint on the idea that if you hate it, you can learn to love it, then you will open your mind to a place of true recovery. That getting to know the true you is the greatest thing that will happen in your recovery. That recognizing the bright hope that burns in your future is the greatest discovery you can make.
This will only happen if you can find a way to lean into the pain, and there will be pain. The moment you turn and run from it, the vulnerability ends, you must not only lean into it, but in this place of recovery you are most likely going to have to sit in it. Truly embracing it means you better take note of it, so that when you go through this in the future (here is a secret you will go through shit in the future) you can find your way back to vulnerability and learn and grow.
“You cannot sail into your future, when you’re anchored in the past.”
Chris Alder The Voices of Recovery
“Well, I have a vulnerability issue. And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it’s also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love. And I think I have a problem, and I need some help.”
Brene Brown