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How to cope with Panic Attacks

(Pulled from the in-progress project for the blog)

As I have been writing a book for more than a year we have crept into the year 2020. It seems wild that all of a sudden the entire world is in the grip of a unified panic attack.  For me, it brings great purpose to writing this and adds deep meaningfulness to the book itself.

We never know when a personal crisis is going to create an emergency. A “reason” to panic. So with that said I want to focus on the moments in our life when we feel completely untethered and out of control. These are the times when it feels like no matter what line we grab onto they are all slipping or coming untied and we are free-falling into our own despair. I have had a few panic attacks like this in the last few weeks. As the pandemic outbreak of the COVid19 virus has brought the world to its knees we are just at the beginning of all of this right now. Since I am a provider for my family and a father of ten kids. I have recently married the woman of my dreams and I have fought my way out of the muck and scum of the gutter to a life I love dearly. So now it feels suddenly like my life, this amazing life is careening towards a cliff. 

How do I slow this down, how do I bring my actual thinking reasoning rational brain back online? Well, I can tell you I did not have an answer for this a few days ago, and the one I am going to give you right now is still like a newborn baby deer on shaky little legs. I can tell you the first thing I did was own my fear. I saw it, I let it in and I said hello, actually I made my wife say hello to it as well. Now, this opening up to my fear came at a cost, because once I had done this it became like a snowball rolling down the side of Mt Everest. Before I knew it I was curled up in a ball ready to suck my thumb, crying, and begging my wife for help. 

Okay, hold up. 

So my first step was okay, I just did not take very good care of myself after acknowledging my fear. Instead of seeing my fear and letting it have space, I became immediately resistant to it. The resistance allowed some really irrational momentum and before I knew it I was planning funerals and dying myself. This kind of life or death thinking is not uncommon in moments of panic. 

We have to pause here and just be as open-minded as possible, we have no idea what is going to happen, we have no idea how good or bad it is going to be, we have no idea what the outcome is going to be. This can be so scary that the negative bias of our brain starts building all kinds of crazy scenarios to help us prepare for disaster.  

So in my experience over the last few weeks and over the last years of my life, panic attacks are best overcome with a reliable friend. In my case, it is either my wife or my best friend or both. Then we start with breathing, this is just simple slow box breathing. See video https://youtu.be/YFdZXwE6fRE

You should do this for several minutes. The reason is very simple, oxygen in your brain is crucial to overcoming the “survival fight or flight” reaction that you and your brain are suffering from. 

The next step is to start dealing with factual evidence-based thinking. Instead of focusing on all of the “maybe” and there is always a shitload of maybes in a good panic attack, anyway do not focus on the maybe. Focus on the facts. Let me use a perfect example of some extreme thinking from these last few weeks. In my panic attack my main concern or driving “maybe” had to do with my job and my ability to provide for myself and my family. So I was maybe going to have my job shut down, maybe lose income, maybe have no job at all, maybe have an economic crash, okay you get the point I had a lot of crazy maybe panic thinking going on. Okay so here is the evidence as of right now. I still have a job and have not missed a day of work.

Well actually I wrote that last sentence a week ago and as of today, I have been furloughed for thirty days.  So there has of course been some impact and work has slowed down, but we are halfway through a month and now I am off until next month (at least). So the evidence suggests that yes some things have changed, but there is zero and I mean zero reasons to panic, I control what I can and I let go of the rest. Look I know that sounds easy to say, but it is the concrete truth, the only thing I have any control over is how I react to this and that is my chance to shine for myself and those I love. See the trick with a panic attack is the brain tricking you into believing you are taking action in most cases towards an uncontrollable event, so it is your brain working a complete lie and not in your favor. Stress and the survival tools that we came equipped with are amazing and when we need them for real they will likely save your life, but in the wrong circumstances, they can tie you into a knot that takes hours if not days or weeks to untie. 

Okay so once you have focused on the evidence it is typically the time for action of some sort. Sometimes for me, that is just a simple walk or a jog. Other times there are actual things you can do, so that is the next step, take action and if it is possible to move forward then do it. Just do not allow yourself to stew in the leftover emotion from a panic attack. 

I had another one over this last weekend as my wife and I coped with the insanity of the week’s events, and after calming down I went out and remodeled the man cave in my garage. This was a critical step because it got me out of my head. In your own head is a dangerous place to be when you have had or are fighting with panic attacks. Shut off the television, get your ass off the couch, and go and actively do something. Be careful not to slip into a mindset of action first, oftentimes when we panic the need overwhelms us to do something. This is what led to the toilet paper shortage of 2020. This need we have to run and do something, which in most cases we settle for doing “anything” that is the wrong answer because what is “anything”?  We need to engage our thinking brains first, we need to be working on evidence-based thoughts rather than survival instinct impulses. Utilize the evidence, be calm, or calm down, and then move forward with action knowing that the only thing you can control is your reaction to uncontrollable things.

Remember above all else it is okay to be scared, it is okay to not know, and it is more than okay to let yourself feel the emotions of fear and feeling unsure. What I am hoping to help you with is the destructive nature of panic. Life is complicated and difficult, staying in your right mind can empower you to reach the summit over and over again. Live Well, laugh often, Love much.

The Voices Of Recovery #55 Public Enemy Number One

In this special Afternoon Delight edition, Shane and I reach into the depths of despair and struggle to talk about the one thing that drives more addiction and relapses. Listen with a friend, share. We Love You.

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