Lack of impulse control is evidenced by such things as impulsive spending; risky sexual behavior; combative and assaultive behaviors; substance abuse; recklessness and excessive risk-taking; gambling; and binge eating. The list could go on, with creative ways to act out on impulse.
At the root, impulse control is really about self-control. Typically not an addicts’ most powerful trait, but one you must become familiar with and learn to master. I think it is important as addicts early on to get through all the many re-lapse triggers we face, but it is equally important to the quality of our lives going forward.
Let’s cover some tips and ideas on how to increase our impulse control and discuss some areas that maybe we have not thought of. We will start with one that I found rather surprising.
Will Power can wear you down! In several research studies, psychologist have used test of will power to then measure and gauge individuals moral codes. The longer they were forced to use will-power the less likely they were to make good decision later. With that said, we need to look at the long term effects of the “white knuckles” on your recovery. Very simply put, if you cannot find a way to cope, to reign in the impulse, it will eventually wear you down. Moreover it will most certainly leak into every facet of your life. Potentially effecting all of your decisions and the outcomes.
I have used this knowledge to look at all the aspects of my decision making, I will argue that as animals, we will always have impulses. These are things we may want that rapidly become things we need or cannot live without. So exercising impulse control (self-control) in our small everyday decisions, becomes a vital practice. This is where Tekulve’s patients and probably anyone in here can acknowledge being exposed to his overt way of teaching this principle. Believe me when I say, the more impulse control problems you have, and the practice he will give you. From the super bowl to the graduation date, I was forced to wait for every decision. I at first felt persecuted by this, I then came to understanding that it was intentional and that I needed to look at my own inner need for now, now, now.
“You want, what you want, when you want it”…. Well tough shit
The hard and fast reality is, life does not work like this. The sooner you lean into this pain and embrace it, the quicker you will find a true place in starting your journey to mastering impulse control.
Recovery is hard, life in general is hard, I am not writing this down to make you feel shitty, it is a fact. The mistake early recovering addicts make, is living the same way they did, just without the D.O.C. This often leads to feeling like mine, persecution, and anxiety.
Listen it takes what it takes, Let go and Let God. I came to hate these cliché statements very early in rehab, partially because I heard them 62 times a day, and the other reason was that I did not fully understand them or the profound impact they would have on my long term sobriety. Let me just say this, Black and white thinking (which is linked to impulse control) is a horrible place to live. It is way better for you and for your brain to live in the Gray!
My meaning in this, is to help you realize that there is a great deal of internal peace that can come from slowing down your decision making, and employing numerous different coping skills to help avoid emotional decisions.
This ideal is where you can find serenity, being able to take things in, asses them, and then react to them in a proper and timely manner is the key to moving forward with relationships, personal beliefs, ideas, and future self-care.
I still act impulsively often, but I work on it every day. My children often comment when they see the comparison to how I handle frustration. They see me stop, breathe, and think. That is my suggestion, when you feel yourself slipping into impulsive behavior. STOP, BREATHE, AND THINK!
Finally and so I don’t disappoint you, some learning from the World Wide Web.
If you don’t really believe you can achieve something—anything—you are triggering an internal feedback loop that tells your brain to not allocate resources. Bottom line: if you don’t believe you can do it, you won’t do it. Granted, simply believing that you can do something is absolutely no guarantee that you can; belief is a requisite condition for achievement, not an exhaustive one. If you want your brain to put energy in your resolve, you’d better believe that what you are doing is worthwhile.
This is so vital to hear, that you come to understand your recovery, every part of it, hangs in the balance of what you believe. Take this process one day at a time, reward your success with positive self-talk and acknowledgement. Recovery is a process and IT TAKES WHAT IT TAKES