Seems like a simple enough thing to say.
Because addiction is a disease of the spirit, a disease of connection. I spend most of my time in recovery trying to arm you against the pitfalls I have both experienced and seen in my recovery. That does not mean it will happen, it is a reminder that it can happen, you should be ready.
I am passionate about my compassion for addicts and the disease of addiction.
I have seen and know personally the pain in both the addiction and the aftermath. I shared personal stories about watching my best friend relapse and the stories of my kids watching me spiral in my addiction. These are the reasons for the message. If you can come now to a place of hope, instead of destruction and fear. I feel strongly that you should want to stay in that place. So considering all the trouble you have gone to put on your pants on and show up to rehab, let’s make the best of it.
The key to this is to recognize right here right now that no one is going to do this for you. You will find plenty of help and support if you look in the right places, but no one can do it for you. I have seen so many and know many more that get stuck in the hard work of recovery. They spin there wheels and then slowly but surely they slip, then they beat themselves with drugs and alcohol, then they realize they are done, then they start this process all over. Or they die, or they end up killing someone else. This is the cycle. So it matters because you matter, and I matter. How we do this makes a difference.
I spend a lot of time with recovering addicts, I see and hear stories on a weekly basis of the struggle and the victories that follow us on this sometimes scary journey. I have looked at and tried to model my recovery after others who have seen great success. I hope everyone in recovery finds those people in recovery, of course this can be a therapist, a coach, a family member, or even a friend in long term recovery. The key is simpler than all the words I have put down. If you want what they have, then do what they do.
I cannot share this message in any other way than the way I learned it so now 6 paragraphs later let’s talk about the process of me, owning my recovery.
I am a grown ass man who had let his entire life go to shit at the hands of heroin and cocaine, I added alcohol and sex for good measure but I was finding my way to the serious depths of one shitty existence when I came to door of recovery. Broken and broke, physically only a stone’s throw from death and an attitude of pure self-hatred. I was without a doubt a living breathing step 1.
- “We admitted we were powerless over drugs—that our lives had become unmanageable.”
With that in mind I had no idea what to expect when I got into recovery and well it only took me one surrendered phone and a strip search to realize I hated it. So as soon as I was able to put together a thought I set some early recovery goals. These were then, and they are now my recovery goals. Use them to make your own goals, or at least think about goals.
- First Goal: Never ever live my life in a way that requires someone else to manage it. My life must remain manageable, this means I will live my life in a way that insures I get to go to bed when I want, get up when I want, and keep my phone! For me, an insane control freak, this was one of the hardest things to deal with in recovery. This seriously defective thinking pushes me to push all boundaries and rules. It is something I work on every day in my life now, but for me having my rights to think and do the things I wanted in my life, served to remind me that I was living in a way that actually destroyed my freedom. I mean drug addiction is a flat out prison, but I never saw it until I found recovery. I enjoy my freedom to much to risk relapse.
- Second goal: Do something every single day to grow in recovery. For me this has not just been working the steps, which is a separate deal. This means grow! Challenge myself, push the boundary of what I know about myself and others. This goal became so important in my time in rehab, because I became a student of my addiction. Pushing friends, counselors, and really anyone I could find to help me understand the disease. What happened to my brain, why did this get this bad, what I could do in the future to help insure this never happens again. I listen to and read books on psychology, addiction, vulnerability, growth, commitment, and spirituality.
No one thing I did personally changed me more than reading the book Buddha’s Brain. This was not my cup of tea, and really my roommate and I read it together thinking it would help us sleep. What it really did was open our eyes to the benefits of mindfulness, bottom line is it made us better students of the recovery process. So many had a hand in my early recovery, but this book was in there for sure.
- Third goal: Never watch the news. That one was really hard, and once in a while it still is. I am coming up on two years without the news, and early on this goal was wrapped in a different idea when I left rehab, but it has become this and I accept it. I am still connected to my community and events locally through my phone and other social media. I simply will not give one minute of my time to the fleecing of America through the channels of fear created by a 24 hour news cycle. This is a big one and I encourage everyone in here to think about and decide what influences they want in life. Because I over simplify by saying do not watch the news, I am picky about all my media. Music, television, and other entertainment. I cannot stay mindful otherwise. (That was Really Preachy, sorry not sorry)
- Fourth goal: It took very little time for me in rehab to see my Higher Power at work on my behalf, to many amazing miracles to close together to ever deny or rationalize. I give the credit to my Higher Power as often as I can and stay rooted in a place that helps me realize my hopeless addiction is kept at bay because I followed the steps that led me back to him. I still work on this every day. I am a spiritual person who is still finding my place with my Higher Power, but I know without a doubt none of this for me was possible without God.
- Fifth goal: By far the hardest goal was to put my recovery first. I have done this on many occasions, lost friends, upset family, and even nearly watched my best friend die. Bottom line is, if I am dead then I don’t need recovery, and I am attached to the fact that recovery is hard work. I don’t want to throw it away making a bad choice. I can safely say now, protected by the gift of hindsight that it has worked out very well. There have been events, parties, and poker games I have missed out on…. But really have I missed out? Perception is reality and my perception of anything that threatens my recovery is that it is a waste of time and I don’t need it anyway.
Hopefully you have found some resolve and some ideas for what might help you stay on the path of recovery when you move forward.
I think it is important now that I have laid out all of this process, to remind everyone in here that it does not take this back breaking effort to do this. I learned the steps, I worked them, I do my best now to follow them, but if I get pissed off at work I don’t think… Hmmm what step am I on. No I do my best, and then I stay honest and reflect. I ask and if I need to make corrections then I do it, or I do my best. I fall back all the time on the idea that this is about progress not perfection.
All of this serves a purpose getting way back to the opening lines of the handout. This disease is a disease of the Spirit, is a disease of connection. The greatest blessings in my recovery have come from connections, I am better connected to God, I am better connected to my kids and my family and friends. Most overlooked but critically important, I am connected to me. I have compassion for myself and love for the journey I am on. This is the reward, this is the point and purpose of recovery. Recovery is not about avoiding problems or running from them, it is about acceptance, and not just blind stale minded acceptance. It is about seeing the cards you have been dealt and finding a way to play them. Sometimes you win, sometimes you don’t! Who gives a shit, because at least you are in the game.
“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” – Carl Bard
“Everyone has inside of him a piece of good news. The good news is that you don’t know how great you can be! How much you can love! What you can accomplish! And what your potential is!” – Anne Frank
“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger — something better, pushing right back.” – Albert Camus
“No level of my own imagination could have begun to imagine my life as it is now, at no time did I worry about how great things could be. When it was hard I kept moving forward, when it was easy I kept moving forward, Right now I am still moving forward.”